Early Warning Signs of a Violent Relationship
You may suspect that you are involved with a potential abuser and worried you may be involving yourself in a dangerous relationship. If you feel afraid and you want to change your situation, reach out and talk to someone. Remember, if you do nothing, it will only get worse. Review the following list of early warning signs.
Does your partner:
- try to control and isolate you
- exhibit constant jealousy
- identify with an aggressive "macho" image
- use drugs and/or abuse alcohol
- come from an abusive home
- have a volatile temperament, become easily angered
- project blame onto others
- use aggressive language
- restrict you / tell you what to do
- show disrespect for others in authority
- tell you that you are worthless
- embarrass you in front of others
- always want to have his/her own way
- not support you in your relationship with your family & friends
- act very willful and self-centered
- believe violence is acceptable and inconsequential
- tell you that you are worthless
- blame you for any problems in the relationship
- expect you to agree with everything
- not support your activities at home, work or school
Do you feel:
- sorry for your partner
- flattered by any attention from your partner
- that all you have ever wanted is someone to love and love you in return
- more relaxed now that you have someone
- that if you could do everything asked of you, the violence and abuse would stop
- fearful of ending the relationship because of threats to disclose something about you
- responsible for the violence and abuse you experience
- that you are the only person who loves and understands enough, and can help your partner
- that because you had sex, the right thing to do is stay in the relationship
- that possessiveness is actual proof of love
- afraid that if you end the relationship your partner will self-harm, hurt you or someone else
- that things will work out and improve on their own
- that when you are married your partner will no longer have a reason to feel insecure about your love
- no one understands that you are truly in love
- You can create safety for yourself and your children.
- Violence and abuse are not your fault!
- Nothing you do, can cause another person to abuse you.
- The person who behaves abusively is responsible for changing that behavior.
- You always deserve to be treated with respect.
How do you know if you might already be in an abusive relationship:
Does your intimate partner....
- Insult or drive away your friends or family
- Continually criticize you, call you names, shout at you
- Ignore your feelings
- Use lies and contradictions to manipulate you
- Humiliate you in private or public; refuse to socialize with you
- Mock or insult your personal beliefs, religion, race, or heritage
- Regularly threaten to leave, or tell you to leave
- Threaten to get custody of the children
- Threaten to kidnap the children
- Abandon you in dangerous places
- Drive recklessly or force you to drive recklessly
- Hide or take away your car keys
- Lock you out of your house or apartment
- Prevent you from taking medication, eating, using the bathroom
- Deny or prevent your access to necessary medical attention.
- Refuse to help you when you are sick, injured, or (if applicable) pregnant
- Threaten to, or abuse your loved ones
- Threaten to, or abuse your pets
- Demand that you account for your daily activities, expenses, travel
- Use a hidden tape recorder or camera to spy on you
- Stalk you either physically or through e-mail or repeated phone calls or text messages
- Check your mail, answering machine, caller ID, e-mail
- Insist you dress in a more sexual way than you want
- Minimize the importance of your feelings about sex
- Become jealously angry, accuse you of sexual activity with others
- Insist that you perform sexual acts which make you uncomfortable
- Force you to have sex
- Forbid you to use protection against sexually transmitted diseases
- Forbid you to use birth control
- Force you to have sex with others, or force you to watch others having sex
- Videotape you during sex
- Pressure you to view or read pornography
- Force you to incur debt or ruin your credit
- Control your money
- Hide income, bank accounts or investments
- Gamble, borrow money that forces you into debt
- Refuse to pay family bills
- Force you to sign fraudulent claims, checks, tax returns
- Threaten to call your employer and lie about your mental health or personal history
- Forbid you to work, go to school, accept a promotion
- Force you to regularly be late to work, absent, or leave work early
- Corner you, push you, throw you down
- Throw things at you
- Pull your hair
- Slap or grab you
- Scratch or bite you
- Kick or punch you
- Choke you
- Threaten to use or use a weapon against you
- Inflict any type of physical abuse during pregnancy
At work, do you....
- Get to work late due to problems with your partner?
- Have to hide bruises from your boss or co-workers?
- Find yourself frequently absent from work due to problems in your intimate relationship?
- Make excuses for your partner's behavior?
- Tell your boss or co-workers not to mention certain things in front of your intimate partner?
- Have difficulty keeping a job?
- Find it hard to concentrate on your job duties?
- Worry about receiving harassing telephone calls, visits, or faxes at work?
If you answered "yes" to any of these questions, you are likely in an abusive relationship. You may feel afraid or overwhelmed; but if you do nothing, it will only get worse.
Help is available to you 24-hours a day by calling Life Span: (847) 824-4454.
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